cant remember the dae i see you smile...

dun wanna live ever again!!!

2006-04-27T21:08:00.000+08:00

nothing to post much except to sae tat i lurve you loads still... yupp... you noe tat i dun wanna lose you and all de tyme i kip dreaming of you... irealli wann you so much... pls dun live miee can?? i do wadever you wann to have you back with miee... i swear to god over mine body... if i am too good for you, i mux be feeling wad if i am not good enough for you... i lurve you loads and nothings gonna change tat....

i wanna die... i jus wanna faking die...

2006-04-19T21:03:00.000+08:00

nobodi cares abt it.. nobodi realli noe how i feel deep inside... its no wonder i let all mine emotions go wild inside and causes miee to have breakdowns... i rather just have all de breakdowns and den die infront of all of you... i realli wanna try mine best not to get worked up so easliy.. but mine family??? wads family for??? to have fun??? more lykly to get fuck around... family is nothing to miee... i dun even tink i have a family now... i tink tat everyone around me is just a shadow of de past... de once cheerful jonathan is now a faking screwer... an asshole... a mofo... a dunno wadever you wanna call miee...i realli dun care oreadi.... its de end of de world for miee oreadi mah... regardless of wad you sae... mine mind is made up liao... you see me, happi is good for you... i neva ever wanna feel happi again... i jus wanna get back to you for tats all i noe... i am an asshole...
realli i am...
i shouldnt have make tat mistake..
mock miee for all you wann..
jeer at miee too...
i dun care for anithing...
de once jonathan everybodi once noe is gone forever...
keep telling mineself tinks will change but actualli...
nothing is ever gonna change...

jonathanseowchuanshien
wenthometobewithdedarkness
on19042006
itsjusafakingdarkworldoutdhereformiee
nobodieverreallicarsabtmieeatall
iratherdiedenlykitcontinuetohauntme

dun be sad leh... haii...

2006-04-16T18:41:00.000+08:00

hey all... pigglett... dun be sad kkz??? yupp... you noe tat i am dhere for you lah kkz?? yupp... wadever you do ryte, rmb tat i am alwaes behind cheering you now wann k??? yupp... you can trust miee with tat hor.. yupp... you noe tat i care for you more den anithing else wann wad ryte?? it hurts me to see you sad leh.. yupp.. so do takkiar of urself hor.. got anithing you can call miee and talk wann kkz?? yupp... do talk to miee online lah.. cant wait to see you leh... you will alwaes be in mine heart wann kkz?? no matter wad ur decision is.., ur frenz will be 120% behind you wann kkz??? yupp.. do cheer up lah... if you wanna patch with her, go ahead lah... yupp... nothing wrong with patching up.. i will support you de.. and so will ur other frenz kkz?? haii... aniwae... talk to miee tmr lah.. yupp.. i be waiting for you lah at de back... lurbe you loads kkz??? muaxk... takkair hor dardar... will miss you... nytes...
[j][o][n][a][t][h][a][n]
[love you alwaes]
19.20pm..

napfa test SUX!!! i neva wanna do it again... feeling veri sorri for mieself now...

2006-04-13T20:34:00.000+08:00

todae napfa test stinks... haii... i cant do pull ups wann.. its being proven... me and vincent cant do it wann... lol... we did..... ZERO!!! yupp... and we are proud of it... but de others i still can pass lah... so its not tat bad... but i jus dun lyk to sweat alot lah... it is so.... EWW!!! you noe...haha... aniwae... school was ok todae... we came to skooh late as usual and we managed to avoid getting caught but "thanks" to desmond, we went to give ourselves in to de security guard lors... yupp... but den... guard was actualli a nice guy lah... so better not do it next tyme lors...

aniwae... todae lessons i managed to stay awake for all de classes and guess wad... i going for some leadership workshop lah... yupp.... and i still dunno wad to wear to do leh... haha... i noe... i sotong lyk nuts lah... but den... oh well... guess wad... i had MACDONALD'S in class todae... oh mine god... it was so nice lah... de whole class was eating during maths lah... (actualli... most of us were eating... except de guai wanns)...

aniwae...
finish skooh... i wanted to send her home so ask her frenz but dey sae she wanted to go home alone and den she can sleep... den i was sad lah.. but cant be help wad... she oso has her freedom mah... yupp... i dunn wanna be overprotective over her... she has her life too you noe.. haii... i realli wish to go home with her again... if piglett you see dis... i jus wanna sae dis to you... (i realli miss going home and talking to you.. i hope to do tat with you almost everydae... which i mean... you go home alone too lah... dun wanna invade your life too much)... <3<3<3

realli cant stop tinking off you so much... i dunno whether i am being a good stead... i realli nid help with mineself... but den... i love you loads... and i wanna treat you de best mah.. pls forgive me kkz?? yupp... i trying mine best to make you happi lah... tho i dunno whether am i succeding anot lah... yupp.... haii.... but den.. i hope i am doing well... aniwae... i wanna send you home realli badly so tat i can be with you.... yupp..

ttelgip.... i evol uoy os hcum dna i aven annaw evael ruoy edis ta lla.... ssimuoysdaol...
understand ryte??? i hope so.... i hope we will last forever or as long as possible... yupp...
and i realli dun lyk tat "bitch" in ur class leh... keep staring... feel lyk gouging her eyes out lah... yupp.... at concert stare... everywhere i go oso stare... tink wad... you veri nice to see ar... BITCH!!!!
no wonder you hate her so much ryte, dardar??
hmm...
i better stop wryting liao lah... better eat now.. later she worri... how?? i dun wann her worri... onli i can worri for her lors...
yupp....
[j][o][n][a]
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you will alwaes be missed by miee pigglett...
21h10min55sec
13042006
daes to go.... countless.... till time stops,
i will neva ever wanna leave you....

tuesdae... thing start going better... ABIT ONLI!!!

2006-04-11T20:09:00.002+08:00

tuesdae... i love you so much yet i hate you so much too... stupid teachers just dun understand me... i dunno wad to do with those mofos lah... faggots.... wads wrong with all of you... neva being kids before mah... NO CHILDHOODS WANN!!!! make miee so faking angey and mad lah.... neva mind... its ok... i am cool with tat wann... yupp.... aniwae... tmr have concert leh... hahaha.... can go home late leh... lol... so happi leh... no nid stay at home do nothing at all lah... hehe... gonna see miee wear till veri de man leh... "MAN" sia.... haha...

aniwae... todae went to cut hair leh... haha... cut until quite nice lah but dunno whether she will lyk it not le... tell miee tmr kkz??? yupp... cant wait to see you lah... yupp... love tto see tat smile of yours... i hope you will be forever mine.... haha... yupp... mine one and onli gal...

yupp.... hair short short veri cooling leh... haha... mine and edmund cut hair... edmund hair lyk dunno wad to sae leh... lol... mine nice lah... fring is slanting to one side de... cool sia... i hope to boast to de whole world to see leh....

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cant stop tining of you...
haha... yupp..
hope tomyte wont happen again lyk wad i told you jus now..
so mahlu leh..

haha.. aniwae... i hope to go out with you some dae... ani dae is possible for miee... cause i wil do anithing for you wann... i just wann you to be dhere with miee alwaes... yupp... tats all i ask from you... i love you and you noe it.... PIGLET!!! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!!
yupp.... aniwae... thursdae hope to send you home again leh... yupp... i feel glad to have you be mine stead... hope you too... yupp.... i wil treat you lyk..... hmmm... dunno how to sae... treat you extremely good can liao... yupp... love you... haha... enuff crapping liao lah... i go eat ryte now... so tat will not keep and make you worri lah... yupp... muackzz... =P (tigger and pigglet forever hor!!)

{j}{o}{n}{a}{t}{h}{a}{n}
(misses you so much tat i will die for you)
tinking of you 24/7...
loving you...
11 daes and counting.... 365 daes is mine target...
love you loads...

jonathanseowchuanshien
times up for your grave NOW!!
21h11min30s
11/04/06

tuesdae... thing start going better... ABIT ONLI!!!

2006-04-11T20:09:00.000+08:00

sundae... i wish.....

2006-04-09T20:06:00.000+08:00

... i am so sian... jus reach home leh.... dunno wad to do... so went online... i wishing to see her online now... i talk to her ytd and i was so happi... if onli everydae was lit dat... i be de happiest boy in de world... hahaha... its jus a wish and i hope for it to be a reality...

piglett.... i am so sorri i didnt talk to you for a long tyme... so i hope tmr i get a chance to send you home after mine dragonboat training leh... yupp... tell miee if you staying back in skooh not lah... cause i dun wann you get scolding from your parents oso de... i am not mean to you.. cause i love you...

gosh... i realli dunno wad to do... do i realli tink i am a jinx??? i tink i am kkz?? yupp... i realised it again.. i tot it will be all gone but den... its coming back to haunt me again... haii... nvm... i will just put up a brave front... i just dun wann anibodi in skooh to noe tat deep inside miee...
emotions is building inside of mieee.... i dun wanna mine dear piglett to worri so much... yupp... its ok de wor... yupp....
jus for you... i will neva be sad... i love you loads and you noe tat... i make an oath by swearing upon every freaking things in mine room and tat if i break it, i will kill mineslef with de things i swear on.. even if its a soft toy... yupp... i promise you tat...

i wish....
i have a bedroom full of nice stuffs so tat it can cheer miee up...
i wish to have a house full of sweet stuffs to enjoy mieself in...
but mostly... i jus wann to be with you even if i dont have de things i wish i have...
i love you loads...

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realli dun wan it to be dis way...
but at least i still have you by mine side... i love you loads, pigglett....
alwaes be mine...

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de daes i alwaes dream of being with you... i hope we will last for a veri veri veri long tyme..
it shall be ur best memories... i love you...

FRIDAE..... DE DAE I FELT SO SAD AND BAD!!

2006-04-07T22:20:00.000+08:00

hahaha... todae is SPORTS DAE!!! i woke up and nearly got late but its ok lah de.. cause.... i oso dunno.. mayb cause i wanted to see her so badly leh... haha... she todae on duty so i wanna see her in her uniform again mah.. yupp... aniwae... guess wad... YELLOW HOUSE IS FIRST AGAIN!!!! de CHAMPS HAVE LANDED!!!! haha... i noe i being lame ryte now... of cus lah.. i crap wen it reaches 11 plus at nyte... oh well... i jus wanna make dis short lah... sports dae was i complete waste of tyme and..... I MISS MINE PIGGLETT SO MUCH!!!

hai.... i broke miee promise and decieve to be punished by you lah... yupp..
note to all guys...
BREAKING UR PROMISE TO A GAL IS PUNISHABLE BY LAW!!!
OR DE GAL'S GUIDE TO A PERFECT BOYFREN!!!
haha....

i jus wanna tell you i miss you so much and love you so much again... yupp....

[j][o][n][a][t][h][a][n]
[m][i][s][s][e][s]
[m][i][n][e]
[g][a][l]
[s][o]
[m][u][c][h]!!!!

jonny boi de wonderful kid is here to vanish into ur brain...
let de illusions kill ur senses...
gothic is de trend of de future...
GOTH!!
i lyk to LMAO!!!!!

jonathan was here...
lies in his grave...
six feet under...
gone into de underworld.....

THURSDAE!!!! I WANNA HIDE MINE FACE LIAO!!!! SO MAH LU!!!!

2006-04-06T22:30:00.000+08:00

dear readers.. todae was horrible!!! too horrible leh... yupp... had de performance... and WE WON!!! YELLOW HOUSE WON!!!! but den... i look weird lah... de horse lyk wanna give way lit dat... wanna fall off lit dat mah.. haha... oh well... but de way we do de actions is lyk... being veri de HORNY.... i repeat... VERI DE HORNY LEH!!!
yupp... sick lors... but make pple smile and laugh can liao lah... yupp... i realli hope she lyk de performance leh... ya... i neva see her de whole dae except after skooh lah.. i wanted to send her home but i cant leh.. i feel so bad and mean lors... yupp... haiii.... i realli hope she not angry wiff miee or anthing leh.. yupp... oh well... aniwae... i hope she's slping ryte now lah... to pigglett... (sorri i neva go online leh... yupp... was outside.. will send you home afeter skooh tmr lah.. you try call miee by den i come fetch you home... i promise... I LOVE YOU LOADS!!!)
oh yar.. todae i got into trouble wiff mr. phillip ng... (aka. phillipenis) sick i noe... haha... he lyk bastard lyk dat.. blue ranger went numb again and he tot we playing a fool with him and den we sae we wanna play traunt.. den i fed up... call him idiot den he kbkb... lyk some mutherfaker leh... so angry sia.. den i send miee out ask miee do mine work but i sae dunn wann ask him shut and be a faggot... yupp... den i ran out of de class to help blue ranger... hope he ok sia... BETTER EAT MORE KZ???

aniwae... coming back to now... i miss her so much tat i wanna cry liao.. tinking of her so badly tat mine heart wanna bleed liao... i feel so lonely without her.. onli with her den i will feel safe again... yupp... i love you loads... yupp... oni you and forever wil be...

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[n][o][w]...

i lulrbe you alwaes and tmr i hope to see you in action again...
thank god i have you with miee and no one else...i hope we can last till veri de veri de long leh... yupp... i will take care of you to de veri end... mine love for you knows no bounds...

[t][i][g][g][e][r][r]
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[b][e]...

xiaochuanxuan signing off to be with his dreams..................
lurbing you alwaes.... 22h55min20s 06042006

wednesdae... WORSE den the dae before... MARK MINE WORDS!!!

2006-04-05T21:21:00.000+08:00

todae.. another incident happen... blue ranger fainted... not sae fainted lah.. but weak lyk siao lah... yupp.. so poor thingy... haii.. fortunately, we RANGERS help him and send him home lah... actualli not us oni.. others oso... yupp... but mostly is de others... RANGERS were abit "extra"....
hahaha... oh well... i stayed behind with farid to do some malay horse dancing thingy... abit disgusting lah... but den.. have to do leh... FAIZAL LAH!!! tell ms zarina i can, den i got sabo by de other yellow house peps... YOU AL WILL REGRET IT DE!!! (haha.... kidding onli...)

hmmm... rain rain rain so heavily... dunno whether she got get home in tyme not leh.... yupp... neva go home with her cause she go out with her frenz mah... yupp... felt kinda sad wen i see her wen off lah... sob sob..... =(... haii... its ok de lah... still have tmr or fridae oso mah ryte?? tmr gonna perform leh... so nervous leh.. yupp... dunno whether she see den will laugh at miee not lor... yupp... its so.. i dunno how to sae too... haha..

aniwae... i gtg now... still have loads of hw to do yet i am still here... haha... actualli, i dun realli care abt de hw i have wann lah... i jus wanna be online talking to de gal i love... yupp... seeing her brightens up mine dae... ryte mine dear, piglet??? (haha... i am being crazy now.. heh...)
well... gonna try to see whether i can send her home tmr not.. if not i will be so freaking sad lah... one dae pain enuff but not two leh... haha... yupp...

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seeing you makes mine heart beat faster and slower at de same tyme...
tats not normal unless you lurbe tat special someone so much...
especially you, piglet dear dear.. yupp...
lurbe you loads kkz??? yupp...
neva gonna ever leave you....
will be dhere with you to de veri end of tymes...

When There Is A Storm Up Ahead,
I Will Be There Sheltering You From The Rain..
Believe Me... I Swear Upon You Or Anything...

<3<3<3<3<3 YOU ALWAES PIGLETT!!!!!

[j]o[n]a[t]h[a]n
leaving to be with himself in his mind at
[2]1[4]5
[5]0[4]2[0]0[6]

tuesdae... another dae to forget... not one dae is gonna be memorable...

2006-04-04T21:03:00.000+08:00

HARD 10!!! readi, GO!!!! 1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,10!!!!
wahlau eh... so fast lah... mine arms are all aching.. furthermore... i sprained and pulled mine leg muscle again... haii... i dunno why suddenly come back to miee leh... i tot all gone liao sia...
oh well... gotta train mine legs more den... yupp... aniwae.... todae was so boring tat i slept in most of de lessons again... i wonder... how am i gonna pass mine exams if i continue slacking lyk dis...
hmmm...
i dun give a fuck abt it lah...
fail fail lors... wad to do mah...
yupp....
hahahaha.... od course i wont wann lah... but wad if onli... hmmm... its a veri serious matter...
should go consider it veri carefully....

aniwae... todae, MR TAN got mine stead wrongly leh... haha... he tot was another gal... hehe... i-dots... oops... hehe... wad to do... but he's actualli nice lah...
yupp...
aniwae...
todae i managed to talk to in de bus todae... yupp.... so happi leh... den at de bus interchange we saw.... LIL MISS EVIL... (its jus a thingy i call pple i dun lyk).. hehe... k lah.. i am actualli not mean wann lah, but since mine gal dun lyk, i oso dun lyk lor... yupp... i side her alwaes no matter wad de... tat meanie keep staring at her, i felt lyk gouging her eyes out of her sockets and cook it for curri and dinner... [haha.. i noe i am so mean lah... onli jokin onli mah]

hmmm... i was in de bus with her lah... den i turned around and started to talk to her leh... hahaha... i so happi lor... yupp.. she sounded happi lah... yupp... felt realli proud of mineslef leh... hehehe... now.. talking to her online and she's doing hw and i feel so sad cause i cant help her lor.. yupp... well.. later she updatin her blog so cant wait to see lah.. yupp... happi to be dhere for her... yupp.... still hoping tat it will last for a beri beri long tyme...

....................................
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.....................................

i wanna hold you on tightly neva wanting you to levae miee...
i dunno wad i will do without you....
guess wad... i bought sth for you too..
hope to give it to you tmr leh.. yupp.... hope you will lyk it lah...
lurbe you alwaes... nothing is ever gonna change that...

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gonna miss you alwaes...
you are alwaes in mine dreams....
<3 you alwaes mine piglet...

mondae, tuesdae... haii.. doesnt matter animore...

2006-04-03T20:48:00.000+08:00

broken pieces of mine heart.. slowly shattering...
as de rain continues to pour and de sky turns crayon blue,
i look out hoping to see a gleam of hope...
but dhere was none.....

todae, skooh was a complete failure...
nothing and i mean NOTHING....
no teachers was usually a dae for us to enjoy...
i sat behind keeping quiet as usual sleeping but den... inside miee...
HELL has broken loose again...

although i have her by mine side liao, i feel so guilty inside...
i dunno why but may i noe but i cant seem to figure it out..
i jus dun wann it get in mine way and mine relationship with her..
i wann her be happi alwaes... i cant bear her to see her be sad lah... yupp...

and mine dear meimei... dun be sad kkz?? yupp... its not as if we will not be frenz mah ryte??
yupp... i will treat you well too lah... yupp... afterall, wad are frenz for ryte??? hahahaha...
try to be happi kkz??? dun let miee see you sad sad de.. later i feel bad tat you are sad lah... yupp.. be happi hor.. i remind you first...

aniwae... i have just one thing to hope for,
is tat all i have done bad or anithing will come to past...
nothing will come and affect miee animore...
i dun wanna give pple so much pain... i realli dun lyk de feeling...
if i can share mine feelings with her, i wil feel much beta...
but qns is, will she hear miee out??
i guess so too...
yupp...

but den... i am happi to be dhere with her with de longest tyme as possible lah...
yupp...

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^notes to you from de darkness of miee^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

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gonna treat you de best and i mean it.. de...
BEST!!!!
yupp....

i will neva regrett choosing you...
i love you alwaes....
and i hope you will too... <3<3

[j][o][n][a][t][h][a][n][s][e][o][w][c][h][u][a][n][s][h][i][e][n]
is long dead....
tmr will resurrect a new person...

you will neva be forgotten by mie,
i love you loads...
<3<3...

signing off...........
peace be on you other pple except miee...
gonessssssss...
forever in dept to you....

DARE and CAMPUS... combination is... beri de "POWERFUL"!!!

2006-04-01T22:03:00.000+08:00

"if he carries de weight of de world, upon his shoulder...." man... dat song is damn nice lah... still rmb it wen i was a small kid lah... oh well... todaes service was ok de lah... service was abit too lenghty... and was nearly gonna fell asleep... no ofeence to mine fellow DareRS.. but den... i tink i am lyk breaking further and further away from daddy god oreadi... i dun wish for it to happen leh.. yupp... but den... i guess... its may fated to be lit dat... haii... broken deep inside again...
haii... i mean... quite FACK shit lah.. but den... i dunno LAH!! feel so confused now... haii.. but at least you are dhere for miee to share mine problems with, nic nic... thanks so much!! yupp.. i mean it de...

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hahahahaha.... see, i am so nice de...

aniwae... i rushed home afterwards to usse computer lah... cause i promise her tat i be online talking to her... yupp... and i reached home, she oreadi online... i feel so bad for making her wait... should have went home earlieer leh... haii.... oh well... i hope she forgive miee leh... yupp... aniwae... todae is a veri special dae for de both of us noe... hahaha.... so i am damn happi and try not to be sad lah... yupp...
cannot ruin dis special dae... yupp....

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i promise you i will takkair of you alwaes... yupp..
i swear to god and everything...

i love you alwaes and will be dhere for you wen you are down hor...
rmb i am by your side alwaes...

[j][o][n][a][t][h][a][n]
was here as promised for
[c][u][t][e][c][h][i][c][k][y]<3<3<3

freedom from HELL once more... new BreatHE...

2006-03-31T20:59:00.000+08:00

back back from dragonboating todae... haha... was lyk so tiring lah... yupp... pulles mine muscles leh... pain lyk anithing... too bad no st.john's to help miee lah... haha... espescially... you noe... hahahaha.... oh well... daes for todae is damn nice leh... rain comes and goes.. i was drenched to de skin lah... yupp.. i see her so wet.. i felt so heartpain lah... yupp... haii.. wish i could do sth to kip her dry.. but den... (haii... sobsob...) i feel so mean ryte now lor...

aniwae... i still am so sick now lah... row in de rain den walk home in de rain... tmr sure sick liao... but den.. tmr i wanna visit her... but dunnno whether she care to see miee not.. haii... so hope she will...cause i be dhere going mine frenz house... hahaha... she is so cute lah... her eyes so pretty... i cant help staring at it lah... yupp... so nice... den wen she look back.. i look away... hiyo... why leh i oso dunno but den... haha... wad matters most is dat i lyk her can liao de mah... yupp... bleah!! =P

truth is... i love you loads and i hope tat you feel de same way to miee... but i jus scared i am not good enuff for you... aniwae... i hopt tat you takkair of urself leh... yupp.. take a warm bathe and oso drink loads of water kkz??? hope to see ya online later den talk to you.. mine heart goes... so fast lyk bullet train liao...haha... exgarrate till lyk dat lor... haha... oh well..
aniwae... i gtg... nidda eat liao... stomach so hungry... (grumbling now)

[r][e][t][a][r][d][e][d]
[w][i][t][h][o][u][t]
[y][o][u]
[w][a][n][n][a]
[b][e]
[w][i][t][h]
[a][l][w][a][e][s]...

you will be in mind heart alwaes...
i swear to you not to cheat on you kkz??
cross mine heart and all mine soul..

jonathan was here to wryte dis to you!!!
thanks for brightening mine dae... <3<3!! =)

rawr!!! mayb its not de end of tyme at all for miee...

2006-03-30T20:18:00.000+08:00

DQ DQ DQ!!! three straight dq for short put... so wad de hell lah... hiyo.. oh well... jus got back lah after sending mine fav. fren home... she's damn farni lah.. haha... oh well... aniwae... skooh is.. you noe lah.. dun have to tell you again and again... oh yAR!!! have de prefect and monitor's invest. thing yand i dunno and cant be bother to spell properly... haha... i rmb sth now which happen in skooh... haha... i was being so caustic to mr leslie lim wei yang!!! haha... its so fun lah... he kept talking and talking den i shut him up by saeing abt de fly being irritating and i smack it with mine hands... haha... i oso learnt a new magic trick from zhong shou.. haha... fun to play but veri long ago wann liao.. sorri mine antena short leh... long tyme neeva adjust... oh well... aNiWaE... lets continue abt de finals for sports heats...

i lost all three rounds and was kiked outt hahaha... smart ryte??? oh ya.. den our ncc master serg. injured his back during triple jump... heard tat he "BOING BOING BOING, PLAPT!!!"
den.. i came and onli see him laying on de floor dhere.. sad leh... have to get de ambulance come... yupp... so poor thingy ryte??

oh well... here comes de happi part... i waited for mine fren... deni walk her home.. she is lyk so cutte lah.. but den... i dun dare talk to her cause i so shy and i felt lyk a BUM lah... hiyo... so poor thingy... aniwae.. she's nice lah.. actualli... contrary of wad i expected lor... haha... but... still DAMN NICE>.<. haha... oh well... den i send her home den i got back home at around 7 plus lah... haha... laky no parents at home if not i die liao...

haha...
i hope tmr will be de same ltk todae... its lyk de onli dae which makes miee happi lah...
i hope tat more of it will come leh.. .yupp... i thank you so much for making mine dae..
i realli hope to see you more... yupp... everi dae i tink i am growing crazier and crazier over you...
well... world of mine is starting to be bright...
hope it stays dat way...

[j][o][n][a][t][h][a][n]
[h][a][p][p][i]
[f][o][r]
[o][n][c][e]... wanna it de dat way alwaes...

mine world has become much clearer.. thanks to you...
i wann you now to be with miee to keep it dis way...
without you, mine world is nothing but hell and darkness....

jonathan was not here but his soul stills lingers in de atmosphere, stratosphere etc.

HELL HAS JUS BROKEN LOSE IN MINE HEAD!!! onli thing which is sane now is mine soul....

2006-03-29T21:39:00.000+08:00

i woke up dis morning.... feeling heavy hearted.... i dunno whyi... den i went to skooh lor... den.. on mine way to school, i was thinking abt mine problems... den, it all started to happen... let miee describe it to you... it went sth lit dis.... (weird i tell you... WEIRD!!)

angel: jonathan... you gotta be strong in handling ur problems...
me: aiya... i dun care animore lah... nobodi wanns miee be their frens.. everbody despice miee.
angel: but den.. lit dat you are letting de devil play with ur emotions....

(DEVIL came in)

devil: de somebodi mention mine name..??
angel: damn it!!! his here again...
me: wads wrong with tat..??
angel: now we have to fight it out lyk alwaes..
devil: ya lor... and i alwaes win... hope i win again todae..
me: i dun care hu win or lose.. jus get outta mine head..

(devil and angel didnt hear miee cause busy fighting hu jonathan should listen)

me: i dun realli care.. i jus wann all mine problems to be gone and both of you SHUT UP!!!
angel and devil: WTF!!!
(poof... dey disappear)

den.. i was lyk wth lah... i mean.. cant one dae mine head will not be filled with thots of misery??
i realli wanted to break down in the train.. but den.. so paiseh in front so many pppple.. including gals sia... so kept it to mineself lor...

i went to skooh den fell asleep again.. dis tyme... I SLEPT FOR 3 lessons straight... @#%$@!!!
i got scolded as usual... i dunno whyi lah.. i jus am a bad student after all... after skooh, i rushed straight home lah... cause gotta take care of mine mom mah... den i neva pass de present to shiting personally and den i felt so bad too lor... OH!!
ya... den i forgot to go send hon qi off as i promise tat i walk home with her den send her to go tuition.. yupp...
i am so sorri... tonyte i cant sleep liao... guilt feels miee lyk a a wash basin... i will neva forget mine mistake till i get all de burden off mine back... i wish tat someone jus shoot miee dead with a shotgun... lyk.. BANGBANG!!! jonathan is dead foreva... i wonder hu will be happi... hmmm...
everybodi???
I GUESS SO!!??!!

haii... jus wanna go out of dis life of sadness and misery... i bet no wann has dis type of loads of burdens... haii...
i gotta go do some self reflection ryte now...
tmr got short put muz rest well...
onli god can help miee now in tymes lit dis...

**^^**^^**^^**^^end of de era where teens are free, free no more..... haii**^^**^^**^^**^^

hell has completed its quest in dominating mine head...
but mine soul still lives to see till de end of the daes...
i hope i will be sane wen de tyme for miee to die has come...

gone is de daes where i love and care,
comes the daes wher i loath and hate those who despice miee...

down came de world crashing down on miee....

2006-03-28T18:21:00.000+08:00

boo boo boo boo!!! anithing which goes boo is alwaes bad lak... haii... i realli broke down in skooh todae... no kidding... i didnt expected it mineself... teacher was talking abt childhood and stuffs and den... i felt lyk tearing and i excues mineself to de washroom den i started crying... and den... =x... shouldnt sae... yupp... aniwae... school was horrible as usual... nth much was up but den i look down den i saw her... brighten up mine dae but den.. afterwards... dark clouds loom over miee again... left school so earli todae... sometimes i wonder wads de point of coming to skooh... its useless and hopeless... nth beats staying at home closing de windows, doors and on de aircon and stay in dhere studying and keeping ur problems to urself...i realli hope tat de special someone was dhere to hear mine crys... i am realli depressed... i got no other way to turn to except you... i realli hope to be by ur sides sooner or later.... i wann you... (sob...sob...) i cant help it lah... not easy to get to noe of a dude who cries in skooh lah... hahaha... should be honoured you noe miee.... oh well... i realli wanna carri on with life but den..

I
HATE
THE
BURDEN
UPON
MINE
SHOULDER
!!!!!

pls pls... BURDEN....
off mine shoulders...
i carri you so long liao..
your turn carri miee!!!!

haii...
oh well..
lit dat lors...
mine life is gonna be as dark as before...
no rainbow.. no sun... jus de same old...

dark dark miee... (shudders... ='( i am sad all de tyme..)

jus rmb tat.. i am nobodi..
jus treat miee as if i am not dhere...
world is not a reality but a illusion...
de onli true place of fantasy is in ur head...

=====jonathan is no longer a figure of the present but of the past=====

back from mondae's NiGhTmArE... dunno how long i can put up wiff it... haizzz...

2006-03-27T16:16:00.000+08:00

hey all you peps... jus got back from skooh... and guess wad... i hardly have any energy to keep awake in class... slept at 4 in de morning... was talking to nic jiejie for advices... without her... i would not be here at all still... well... she taught miee stuffs tat i did not open up mine eyes to notice.. aniwae... i wanna thank her again lor... yupp...
aniwae, skooh was so BAD i tell you BAD BAD!!!! first lesson got literature and i got scolded liao... jus because i wanst paying attention... lit is not bad but wen its boring... you can.... jus F*** away from de subject lah... haii... wad to do... den was english... ms kaur was lyk being in such a mood swing mood again!!! lil bit here lil bit dhere den shout scold shout scold!!! haii... feel lyk kiking her down de stairs if i have de chance... but den... i am not violent in jesus name...
but den... after tat have chinese and i fell asleep thru out de lessons again... i am so proud of it.. i have being slping in chinese lessons since skooh began on the first dae leh... hah.... PRONESS???
i guess so!! haha... dun learn from miee lah... its bad...

FINALLY.... was looking forward go to dragonboating training... den... CANT!!! cause...

teacher saw mine swollen leg frm ytd and stop miee from attending ask miee go home!!!... sian leh.... den i managed to help miee lil gal do some work... haha... go figure out who tat lil gal is... haha... well... i now at home lor... waiting for pple to tagg and go online sia... if not home is so boring de lor... hahahaa..... soon... many pple will come den i wont be so lonely liao....

oh yar... will be blogging again at nyte i guess.. so keep out and watch for it lor... well...
OH YEAH!!!! i forgot...
de big big dae is coming in lit 3 more daes...!!!

haha...
HAPPI BIRTHDAE TO YOU!!!
NOT ME but for tat fren of mie lor...
haha...
well..
i gtg... gonna have to take miee late lunch....
--**^^black outs....^^**--
nothing else matters in de world except you.... jus you alone....

back again!! so late liao!! parents not all home!!! dunno wad to do!!

2006-03-26T22:15:00.000+08:00

hey peps... its miee again!! i dunno wad to do... stuck home alone.. brother s slping so cant disturb him lah.. hiyo... blogging now again lor... i dun wish to play maple or gunbound animore... YESH YESH!!! i noe i veri de childish lah kkz?? dun have to rub it in... aniwae... its so late now... gotta go slp but den hw to slp wen mine parents not home.. wad if sth happens to dem??? i reli dunno leh... dey still mine parents after all leh.. aniwae... i wanna thank all of you peps who encourage miee... i needed tat so much... thanks so much... i will do mine best and not fail all of you de... yupp... trust miee... oh well... hw tmr getting scolded lor... its ok wann alh...nv abt de scolding... i am usedto it!!! TO HELL WITH HWS!!! wish tat special someone is with miee but den... she doesnt realise... so... i dunno wad to do...

i will wait for you to notice me...
i promise you liao... yupp...
i will be dhere for you no matter wad...

(j)(o)(n)(a)(t)(h)(a)(n)
no matter wad happens.. come to miee.. i be dhere for you...

i am back again!!! dis tyme...

2006-03-26T20:45:00.000+08:00

hey all... i am back again!! jus got back from church... den went to play soccer... i injured myself wen playing!!! so PAINFUL LEH!!! felt lyk crying but den big boi liao cannot cry sia.. so mahlu den.. but at least i scored 3 goals lah.. i more den happi liao...

aniwae... todae i cant stop crying again!!! haii... i dunno why.. the more i tink of it.. the more i feel so useless and hopeless.. nobodi seem to care whether i exist animore... i feel so left alone.. i mean... so sad lah.. even mine family.. dey dont understand miee at all... sometimes i jus feel lyk killing myself in front all of de pple i noe..

i am so depressed... i realli nid help and praying from others... i realli hope tat i get thru it.. being sec3 is so dam stress... somebodi.. i realli nid as much help lah... (jonathan is gonna die soon)
i realise tat nothing goes well in mine life... more of goth, sadness, pain... i dunno why dis has gotten into miee... hmmm...

tmr skooh!!! cant wait to get back to skooh now.. its lyk de second home to miee... i noe all you guys hate skooh.. but tats de place i lyk to hang now... home is lyk... to miee... BORING AND hell... but i neva do mine hw... i noe suree get into trouble again... but now...

mrs sim is lyk no longer picking on miee animore... yupp... its nice and feels good to be a guai kia for once... i wanna keep it up... but peps tinking i am ah beng... JONATHAN SEOW CHUAN SHIEN!!! BE A GOOD BOI!!! CHANGE UR IMAGE!!!! lol... scolding mineself here... haha..

well... dis de place i gonna stop for todae...
tmr will be a brand new sad dae to start...
see me moan tmr...
Jonathan
Owes
Nothing
At
The
Hateful
Angry
Nigga!!

you may not notice me now...
but soon you will...
jonathan (aka.pink ranger)

dae of hapiness and sadness... mine life is falling apart...

2006-03-25T20:27:00.000+08:00

hey all.... sorri abt not having a blog at first.. i feel so bad lah.. alwaes sae i promise i going to make but den take so long... but aniwae... HERE TT IS!!! not much tho... sorri.. cause i realli at a loss of wad to do... if you got anithing to help miee ryte, pls tell miee hor...
well.... todae was also a dae full of gladness and sadness....

firstly... CHUNG CHENG RANGERS won CHEE BONG GANG in street soccer!!! keep up the good work guys.... introduction of rangers is below...

farid (yellow ranger)
jonathan (pink ranger)
edmund (white ranger)
shaun (red ranger)
chen hong (black ranger)
leslie (black ranger's appre. aka. bra)
hezel (green ranger)

secondly is the bad new... someone who has being taking care of miee since young pass away...
i feel so sad... i realli miss her alot... i realli wish she will be back in mine life again... i realli miss her SO SO much... btw... tat person is not mine mum kkz?? its mine aunt... haii...
despite all dis... life still has to go on ryte??

i feel so stress!!! i feel tat i am a jinx!!! everyone around me is alwaes arguing and fighting... people getting sick... sad... heartbroken... i dun feel lyk living animore... but for tat special someone... i pormise tat i will continue to live...

realli... i muz not let things let tat to bother miee...
note to self.....
neva let anithing.. no matter big or small stop you...

fact is tat... everything is not your fault...
help yourself... stand tall....